Have you ever awakened from a dream and believe with all of your heart that the events you have just experienced were real? If your dream was more like a nightmare and the events forced you to make a decision that seemed out of character, then you are not alone! I had this experience just last night, and I am extremely troubled.

Back Story:

Let me explain. I unexpectedly lost my mother in 2010 and as a result of family in-fighting, backbiting and other innuendos, I am estranged from my oldest sibling. You see, all of my older relatives (e.g. grandmother, grandfather, mother, aunt, etc.) assigned me as the executor of his/her estate over other family members, who thought they should hold the key to some phantom riches. Unfortunately for me, I became known as a thief, who wanted to keep all inheritance money for herself. Really??? I made it known to anyone, who would listen, that I earned a comfortable salary. I do not spend more than I earn, and I save at least one full paycheck per month, which is not an easy feat. People even laugh at me because, I cut off cable and have a phone that is one-step up from the old flip models!

Knowing all of this information, my sister began telling lies about me to other relatives/siblings. She maintained that I stole money, bonds and jewelry from my grandparents to buy my home. If that wasn’t enough, she kept telling my siblings that I wouldn’t be fair in dividing the wealth and decided to challenge my mother’s will. Every time the phone would ring I would cry because, I knew it was some new accusation that I would have to address. To set the record straight, I started confronting her with the individual(s) she told these lies to. Eventually, my sister’s deceptions came to light. End of the story, right? Wrong!

The emotional rollercoaster took a toll on my mind, body and spirit. I became extremely bitter. I questioned not only God, but my faith in him. I didn’t understand how someone so close hated everything about me! What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted to do was fulfill my mother’s last wishes. I had no ulterior motives. Since I was in so much turmoil in my own personal life (e.g. sick husband, learning disabled child, etc.), I decided to relinquish my executor role. I, in essence, gave her what she wanted. Due to her lack of income, my sister couldn’t afford a lawyer in order to handle my mother’s affairs. So, the house went into foreclosure and to this day, my mother’s estate belongs to the state.

To avoid seeing my sister, I didn’t attend family functions for at least two and a half years. It took at least another year after that before I would even acknowledge my sister’s presence. Finally during Thanksgiving in 2014, I began reading my bible again and focusing on forgiveness. I called my sister (albeit the day of) to invite her over for dinner. She declined, but my conscience was clear. It was then that I realized that God wanted me to start walking with him on a consistent manner. I haven’t heard from her since then, but I’ve decided to put it in God’s hands. If I am instructed to reach out to her again, I will do so.

Dream:

Well in last night’s dream, I began reliving the events that lead to our estrangement. This time, it included cousins who sided with my sister and refused to acknowledge my presence at a family event. I was so furious! I began cursing out everyone there! During these arguments I remember feeling sick to my stomach because, I was using such extremely vulgar laced profanities…sigh… Did I really just say all of that? Have I not forgiven her? Do I still harbor hatred towards this individual? Have I truly forgiven her, or am I just in denial?

Confessions:

Depending on the person and/or situation, I may hold a grudge or not speak to that individual, who I feel have done me wrong.

Affirmations:

I will actively practice forgiveness and model my ways after God, who forgives me of my sins.

Prayers:

Dear Lord, please cover and protect my mind, body and spirit as I slumber and sleep. Let all old wounds pass away and heal my heart. Help me to forgive others, as I would want you to forgive me. I know that I am not perfect, and I need your guidance every single day! Give me the peace that transcends all understanding. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I must confess that I lost my s#%* (sugar, honey, iced tea) at my son’s school today.

Upon reviewing Sunny Jr.’s math book this am, I was able to confirm that two lessons were completed in one day. As of today, Sunny Jr. has attended 10 days of school, but he is already on lesson 16!!!! How is that possible??? Where is the foundation?

Me being who I am, decided that I would approach his teacher, Mrs. P, today to find out if my assumptions were correct.  Because Sunny Jr. and I got up at 5am to complete his Science homework, I didn’t have time to pray and read my word.  I am finding out that I CANNOT skip this part of my morning ritual. Every time I don’t take the time to sit at God’s feet before I begin my day, I lose my s#%*! There is definitely a correlation here.

Well on my way to discuss this issue, I played “Put your War Clothes On” and prayed.  On my way up to see Mrs. P, I passed by the school’s administrator, Mrs. L and asked if she would be around in the next few minutes.  Mrs. L replied, “Yes.”

I walked into the classroom, and Mrs. P was at the board writing out the homework.  I stopped and said, “I have a couple of questions for you. How is it possible for Sunny Jr. to be on Lesson 16, when he has only been in school for 10 days?” She responded, “It is possible because, we are doubling up on the math until we start something new.”

I stated, “Well, where’s the foundation?” I disagree with this method.” Mrs. P informed me that the direction for the curriculum comes from Mrs. L and the Principal. She further advised me to speak with them.  Out of nowhere, Mrs. P states, “I’m sorry that we disagree, but I am a veteran A Beka Teacher.” As she rambled on, I anxiously waited until she finished. (You know that Veteran A Beka Teacher stuff was the match that lit the fire, right?)

I responded, “I’m not some former home school nut mom, who doesn’t know how to teach. I have a master’s degree and professionally, I write and design curriculums. In addition, I also write corporate training instructional manuals and policy books! So, I know what I am talking about!!” Mrs. P looked very surprised and responded by saying, “Well, I think you need to schedule a meeting with Mrs. L and Principal. As I left the classroom, I responded, “I sure will.”

Sunny Jr. looked horrified☹. I felt so bad, but I had to do it. This woman should not be teaching anyone’s child until she gets her act together….I am not going to budge from that stance.

I immediately went to get Mrs. L and gave her an earful that put her pony tail in a thousand knots.  When I walked out of her office, everyone, including the parents, were staring at me.  I must have expressed my frustration very loudly :).

Confessions:

I became angry and did not hold my tongue when dealing with my son’s school employees.

Affirmations:

I don’t anger easily. I handle all adverse situations using God’s guiding light.

Prayers:

Dear Lord, Please forgive me. Help me to handle adverse situations diplomatically. I ask that you calm my racing heart and provide the words that project light and not darkness.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

It’s Labor Day weekend and end of the summer barbeques and swim parties are in full swing. To join in the festivities, I decided to prepare my own intimate cookout with just my immediate little family, which includes my husband and son.

On Saturday, I went to the Amish market to purchase fresh meats, salads and vegetables. Boy, was it crowded! Every stand had a long waiting line and tempers were short. I zipped around the market as if I had roller skates on J

Since I had not eaten all morning, I decided to wait on the pretzel line to get one of those infamous tasty, freshly baked and unsalted joys of buttery goodness. As I approached the stand, I saw a boy playing with a red Nabi while sitting in front of the stand’s window watching an Amish woman make the pretzels. When I got closer to ordering my food, I realized the Nabi was still laying on the counter! Reluctant to leave my place in line, I decided to leave my cart, which contained all of my purchased goods including a dozen of freshly baked donuts, to stop the parents from leaving the store.

I tapped the mom on the shoulder and asked “did your son leave his Nabi?” She turned around and asked him “where is your Nabi?” The child quickly ran over to the stand to retrieve his toy.

Well by this time, I had an audience. The parents thanked me at least four times, before leaving the store. As I returned to my cart and resumed my place in line, I was approached by another woman who said “You will be blessed tremendously for what you did.” I replied “I was just doing the right thing…it’s no big deal, really.”

Another woman behind me jokingly says “While you were trying to do the right thing, I wanted to take your dozen of donuts!” We both laughed; I ordered my one pretzel and left.

The woman’s comment got me thinking. How many people felt the same way that she did? Could I have ultimately been a victim while trying to prevent someone else from losing something valuable? Why did other people think my actions were commendable?

Confessions:

Due to the large crowds of people, I became frustrated and didn’t project my light.

Affirmations:

I am an honest Christian woman, who wants to spread the good news about Jesus Christ through my words and actions.

Prayers:

Dear God,

Thank you for all of your grace, mercy and love. I pray that others will walk the paths of righteousness and let honesty and love rule their lives.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I find that as I am starting out on this journey, I’ve been doing a ton of soul searching. I’m noticing evil thoughts coming out of nowhere!  To level set my day, I listen to audio sermons and spiritual music every morning on my way to work. This process helps me to prepare my mind, body and spirit to line up with God’s word, so that I may attempt to be a productive Christian for the day… (Remember – baby steps!!)

However during my ride, I encounter several rude and annoying fellow commuters.  I can’t stand it when I am cut off in traffic by a speeding commuter! I instantly want him/her to hit a guard rail, tree or some other inanimate structure.

How evil!!! Why would I think of such a thing??? This not me. I don’t know who that person is. So, I immediately repent and ask God for forgiveness…

Confessions:

Evil thoughts plague my mind on a daily basis.

Affirmations:

I am a positive woman, who is kind and optimistic.  I only focus on good side of people.

Prayers:

Lord help me to bring my mind under YOUR control. I want to think thoughts of righteousness.  Life is hard enough for everyone; I don’t need to contribute to the wickedness that is seemingly ruling our society